Maybe, Chef, Maybe: “The Bear” as it may or may not exist
I predict season two of a TV show by following my heart and having fun
If you haven’t heard, tomorrow is the season two premiere of “The Bear.” You may recall that I took the “The-Bear” pill last summer, when I watched the first season six-ish times and produced the longest edition of dog problems yet: “Yes, Chef, Yes: ‘The Bear’ as it exists in my head.”
Aside from a heavy volume of past Tumblr1 text posts, “Yes, Chef, Yes” was my first foray into penning my thoughts on a piece of media, and it was so fun to write. If not for the tedious editing the piece went through and the debilitating self-doubt that came with uploading it, I would’ve committed to providing commentary about other shows here on dogproblems dot substack dot com.
As soon as I began writing “Yes, Chef, Yes,” however, I knew that I would commit to a post-season-two recap, similar to the first in tone and composition. And that was the plan for a while. I would wait until June 22nd, binge the new season, then follow the precedent of rewatching and rewatching and picking apart and rewatching again before spending four very long months crafting just-okay commentary to share here.
But then the season two trailer dropped, and the thought of waiting until September or October to share my thoughts became a torturous one. It was impossible.
So this year, in lieu of reacting to the entire season, I’m predicting it. It’s a bit easier to do so, since I don’t have to be objectively correct about anything, thus eliminating the vulnerability that came with sharing my understanding of the season.
I am pulling the following predictions out of my ass. I will be assigning potential points to each prediction and scoring as I watch. We can laugh together when I am woefully wrong and knocked off of my high horse, or celebrate when I’m successful, which seems less likely.
These predictions are based on the trailer and its derivative teaser content, my understanding of season one and its themes, my own sick desires, and input from a collection of people who have worked in food service.I don’t work in food, never have, but I wanted to be able to confirm my understanding of social patterns in the industry before sending predictions about a kitchen staff into the world. (Is it that serious? Absolutely not, but I’m clearly very dedicated to my craft.)
Some very lovely people offered to help me out with this informal survey, and I have aggregated their stories and experiences to gain a perspective that is — hopefully — indicative of what’d be going on in The Bear’s kitchen if it were real. (Then I continued to pull predictions out of my ass with no basis in reality. Was there a point? Who knows.)
I have kept their identities hidden to keep them safe and their stories honest, but mainly because I think having anonymous sources cited in the context of the most ridiculous and baseless dog problems post yet is wildly funny.
If you haven’t yet, watch the trailer for some context before proceeding! Here it is; I embedded it for you. <3 #WomenInSTEM
Without further ado….
Maybe, Chef, Maybe: “The Bear” as it may or may not exist
Mystery Girl Molly Gordon
The ground shook beneath me when I found out Molly Gordon was joining the cast of “The Bear.” Her work as Triple A in Booksmart is one of my favorite things ever, so her casting in my show felt targeted. I saw the news on Twitter, as one does, and the less-than 280 characters contained no detail about her role. I pulled up Deadline, Variety, IMDB, everything to find information on her character, but there was (and remains) absolutely nothing.
My assumption of the general public’s assumption is that Molly Gordon’s unnamed character is a potential love interest for Carmy. The trailer indicates clear history between them, with her fondly (maybe???) calling Carmy “Berzatto,” and asking how his life has been.
Carmy, by Jeremy Allen White’s own admission, “does not fuck.”2 I don’t know what Molly Gordon’s character is all about, but I sincerely hope Carmy’s celibacy stays intact this season.
From “The Bear” creator Chris Storer for Variety:3
“Selfishly, I hadn’t seen a show without a romantic plot and was like, that could be kind of cool and interesting.”
Plot prediction: Molly Gordon is a former coworker from before Carmy moved to New York and got all famous & jaded. [1 pt]
Detail prediction: Molly Gordon does, in fact, remember the name of Carmy’s restaurant. [1 pt]
Plot: Molly Gordon’s character gets hired at The Bear for the position we see Syd unsuccessfully interviewing for in the trailer. [2 pts]
Detail: Molly Gordon has tension with members of The Bear staff, particularly Syd, Richie and Sugar. Cicero doesn’t like her either. (Basing entire dynamics off of a 30 second trailer clip is so fun) [5 pts]
In my dream world: Carmy does not have any romantic inclination towards, or history with, Molly Gordon. In the realm of romance, it’s a Marcus and Sydney season. Carmy, don’t move. [4 pts]
Score: __ / 14
Where the Fuck did the Sandwiches Go, Seriously
We know going into season 2 that the restaurant is getting an overhaul. That doesn’t make it any easier to see the lack of Italian beef sandwiches in the trailer. This feels like a personal affront. What the fuck is a “chaos menu?” I want a disgustingly messy sandwich with giardiniera vinegary enough to make me cry, not this fancy microgreen bullshit that we see Carmy and Syd try, and subsequently spit out, in the trailer.
The trailer doesn’t commit to a menu, though, so all hope is not lost for my personal affinity for the sandwiches. I think there’s no show without at least acknowledgement of the sandwiches, and I can’t imagine that stubborn-ass kitchen agreeing to Carmy getting rid of their entire schtick. Thus…
Plot: Carmy wants to go full 180 with the menu and plans on abandoning the sandwiches that made them. There is opposition. Carmy loses his marbles over something miniscule, is greeted in his descent to madness by a flashback of Jon Bernthal Michael, and eventually decides that actually, the sandwich will stay. [4 pts]
Detail: Michael gets something named after him on the menu. Syd’s father, briefly mentioned in S1E1, gets something named after him on the menu. [2 pts]
Plot: Shit hits the fan in episode 8. (Why 8? I don’t know, it feels like a good number.) Syd and Carmy try to fix whatever the issue is, but it turns out to be Tina and Ebraheim who save the day, armed with new knowledge from culinary school. [3 pts]
Detail: Fish on the menu. Polenta is brought up by name in an off-hand comment, but never mentioned again. [2 pts]
Plot: We know from the episode descriptions that [SPOILER FOLLOWING, I SUPPOSE, IF EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS ARE SPOILERS TO YOU] Richie stages in episode 7.4 I’m predicting this is a result of him desiring to be more hands on, as opposed to a necessary thing. Tina coaches him through it (I will cry). Carmy is kinda an asshole, and Richie fucks up. (Is predicting that last part low-hanging fruit?) [4 pts]
Detail: Marcus makes a perfect treat, an ice cream or a sorbet — we’ve abandoned the donut — and gets praised for it by someone he admires. Could be Carmy, could be a pâtissier from another restaurant, could be a critic doing a pre-opening review. This season has gotta be the season of Marcus coming into his own, with a large part of last season priming him as someone following in Carmy’s footsteps and wanting more culinary experience. [3 pts]
In my dream world: Clearly in my dream world those damn beef sandwiches make it on the menu. [1 pt]
Score: __ / 20
Yes, Jeff, Yes
I’m getting ahead of myself here, but I think The Bear as a series will end with Tina taking over the restaurant. It’s too full-circle to not anticipate. Once I learned that she and Ebraheim are sent to culinary school in this season (which, by the way, is a hilarious choice from the writers room), it feels only natural that change-resistant Tina, who loves that damn beef sandwich restaurant so much, becomes the head chef when Carmy inevitably moves on. Until then, I’m excited to watch Tina and Ebraheim experience the intensity of culinary school, especially as hard-asses wired in doing things the wrong way.
Plot: Ebraheim is the star student. Tina flounders, but he flourishes. He’s adept at making friends and picking up culinary techniques. [4 pts]
Detail: Tina’s kid attends a few classes on her behalf. [1 pt]
Plot: Tina’s pissed off with culinary school, but not because she doesn’t want to learn new things. I think she’ll want to pick up lessons easily and will be frustrated that she can’t. Maybe there’s some internal turmoil where that gets misconstrued a bit, where she has to come to terms with the reason she’s pissed off: she wants to be as smooth in the kitchen as Syd. [4 pts]
Detail: We hear way more fun Ebraheim stories. [1 pt]
In my dream world: Tina gets really good at knife skills. This is me projecting. [1 pt]
Score: __ / 11
Speed Round: The “Too Lazy To Categorize These” Category
For one point each…..
There’s another tear-jerking Carmy monologue at an AA meeting.
Sugar and Pete are there for this one.
For as much as we heard about it in season one, there is absolutely zero mention of family meal in this season.
Cicero fucking dies, I don’t know. I’m not wishing this upon the season, but I think I have to have my bases covered just in case. Sorry, Cicero.
Fak keeps the BallBreaker machine even though it’s practically useless.
Alcohol, bar?! Bartender???
Carmy quits smoking. He’s too busy for a smoke break!
More of Tina’s kid, more of Richie’s kid.
My final, and perhaps most important prediction yet, is an Ebon Moss-Bachrach Emmy nomination and-slash-or win. He deserved it last season and was, frankly, robbed, and if I witness another robbery during the next eligible awards cycle, I may go absolutely ballistic.
Score: __ / 9
Full Score: __ / 54
As I’m getting ready to send this into the world, the first reviews of “The Bear” season two are trickling in. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, at time of writing. :)
Clearly, I’m stupidly excited. Thank you all for reading as I work through my thoughts and feelings on this very important matter. Aaaaand thank you to everyone who helped me, offered to help me, sent me good vibes, beta read and proofed this post, or promised to watch “The Bear” for me. You’re all the best.
At some point my grammar inconsistencies will make me lose my mind, so I’m going to invest a decent chunk of time into making my own personal style guide…the DP Style Guide, if you will. (lol) In typical nerd fashion, I’ve been hyper-fixated on capitalization recently, and had to double check that the word “Tumblr” is capitalized. Turns out, Tumblr would prefer me to capitalize it! Fun fact (that’s maybe not fun to anyone else but me).
This comes from a profile of JAW by Gabriella Paiella for GQ, which gave me incredible content like the reveal of his beer of choice (Peroni) and his favorite Los Angeles spot (Canter’s Deli, the deli directly behind which I just applied for an apartment and was denied ❤️), and a collection of photos of him gazing into the camera like he knows all of my secrets and is reacting to them with a healthy and fair combination of repulsion and sexual attraction.



RICHIE STAGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank u